Clear Pores.
Not an advertisement for cleanser, but for friendship.
Love has always been an overwhelming, encompassing, devouring feeling for me, like honey clogging up pores. When I set out to do anything – in love, in my personal life, at work – I put my whole self into it, and it takes over my whole life.
My philosophy and practices on love have been changed a lot in the past few months. Therapy has helped with that; I’ve been able to manage my feelings a lot better, but also to manage my expectations.
I’ve learned not to hedge my bets on potential; to take things and people as they are. I’ve learned not to completely nuke something just because someone sends me a weird, short text. I’ve also learned that if someone isn’t living up to my standards of how I should be treated, it’s okay to nuke it when it feels wrong.
I think this is the most complete I’ve felt in a while, and it’s not because of romantic love; it’s because of platonic love.
Reader, you may be saying “These aren’t groundbreaking statements; of course friends and hobbies will enrich your life!” and I agree! I’m not the first person to say this. But sometimes we need to hear these statements at different times in our lives for them to truly have an impact.
The trials and errors of friendship has brought me out of my shell; has taught me what I find acceptable in any sort of relationship; and has provided a community of likeminded people who have encouraged and enriched my art.
If I consider you a friend or vice versa, thank you for being in my life.
Now to the regularly scheduled program:
Honey
In the early hours of the early summer I would sweat my love out staring at the ceiling above your bed. You’d lay next to me, and I realized I wanted you so much. I wanted you to seep into every one of my pores until I suffocated.
In the late night of late fall, I was on that job that was a dealbreaker. And you said you didn’t really want to dwell on the past. I rode a golf cart through a weakened tropical storm, and the wind and rain chilled me to the bone
At 4am, at the top of December, I drove to the hotel with the windows down. I’m still on the job you hate. And the wind cuts my face in half. And I’m so happy to be alive. And I’m so happy to have clear pores.
Song of the week for you, sorry if you’ve heard it everywhere. My friend Bridget first introduced me to the official version; my other friend Christina introduced me to this version.
“I can love me better than you can.”
Your assignment for the week is to tell your friends you love them.
Do you live in a city where you find it hard to make friends? Check out Meetup (specific shout outs include Writing Under the Influence, run by friend of the publication, Jon Rose, and Under Scene Film Night, run by another friend of the publication, Ryland Schwartz). (Totally not a paid advertisement–I just found this site so so helpful :) )
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Very cool post Abby! And thanks for the shoutout!